Depressed Gamer Thinks All Mountain Dew Flavors Taste the Same

South Bend, Indiana — Stephen Swanton, a local gamer, fell into a deep depression and lost his ability to distinguish between flavors of Mountain Dew.

“I haven’t felt good in a long time,” Swanton muttered as he took the meager nutrients from the regular bottle of Mountain Dew he’d been pouring down his throat. “I found a nail in my car tire, I feel like I’m not doing well at work, and sonic frontier I sucked more than I expected. I was thrilled when I heard something like a mystery-flavoured Halloween version of Dew, and now I don’t care what kind of Dew I’m doing. I just need caffeine to get me through things. ”

“You don’t know Code Red from LiveWire, Diet Dew from Cane Sugar, Voltage from Spark,” he says, clutching his head with sticky hands. “I never went to KFC and got Sweet Lightning with peach flavor, or Circle K exclusive Purple Thunder with plum berry flavor, or Baja Blast from Taco Bell. Why bother at this point? I hope that by working with my doctor, I can once again enjoy the acid drink I fell in love with a long time ago.”

“Mountain Dew Baja Blues,” as gamer-centric therapist Dr. Beth Blowfeld calls it, is very common.

“It takes a very bad episode of depression before a true gamer can’t taste the sour-sweet goodness of a can of fresh dew,” explains Blowfeld, before lounging in an LED-lit gaming chair. I was. “Fortunately, several colleagues and I have worked on a treatment plan for just this type of case. The extreme, near-criminal taste might be enough to bring back his missing Mountain Dew taste, we believe.

To address this growing problem, PepsiCo is reportedly working with pharmaceutical companies to create a new antidepressant drug called radioactive green apple Wellbutrin, which will hit the local 7-Eleven in 2024. I’m here.

Photo by Kevin Podas.

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